Love, ugh!

Ok, so I am well aware of the fact that it's been awhile...alright, it's been a long damn time!  But I'm back =)  So I just recently started talking to this guy, and by recent I mean yesterday.  Don't get me wrong, he's cute and sweet and funny and....basically every girl's dream guy.  Every girl except me, of course.  Explain to me why super sweet comments meant to just melt my heart unfailingly cause a gag reflex that leaves me revolted.  I know, weird right?  I just think it's kind of lame, and uneventful when a guy only ever says nice things or makes sure you get along without a hitch.  You can have a great makeup without the breakdown (and makeups are where all the fizzle is, ;) )  Where's the guy that's going to get my blood boiling?  Where's the man who has an individualistic approach to things?  Who I can argue with and match my wits against?  Where is my dream guy?  I'll be honest: I'm a bitch, especially when it comes to relationships.  I'm damaged, and not the "oh I can fix her" kind of damaged.  To paint a picture, it's like when you go to the grocery store to buy your favorite bag of chips, only to get them home and realize the bag's been opened.  You innocently think "it'll be fine" because you really want those chips!  But after pulling a couple out you horrifically realize that your favorite chips are gnat-infested, moldy wastes!  I am those moldy chips from the store: unfixable.  And, honestly (yes, more of it), I'm perfectly fine with that.  But I need that guy that is just as emotionally, traumatically, irreversibly damaged as I am...because we'll understand each other.  Nice guys will just never understand that sometimes I need you to be mean.  Sometimes I need things to go wrong.  Sometimes I need to feel challenged, because if not, it isn't real for me.  And it very quickly becomes a waste of my time and, yes, pointless.  And if I'm sure of anything, it's that pointless things are to be avoided.  So, that being said...this moldy chip is wondering how long Mr. Sweetheart is going to make it into the bag before he realizes what he bought.  I'll keep you posted!

The Beginning

We go to school for 13 years in the hopes of getting into college.  After accomplishing that, we attend college for 4-8, sometimes more, years, in the hopes of graduating with a degree.  Then we proceed to working (or sleeping in some cases) our way to the top.  But what's the meaning of it all?  I've decided to start this blog in the attempt of answering that question.  Let me begin by explaining my current situation.  I'm a freshman at NC State University majoring in Animal Science.  This Wednesday, I will turn 19 years old.  Not really a major stepping stone, I know, but being a college student I've celebrated for less.  It's Sunday today, the end of a weekend, and tomorrow I will get up at 8am, go eat breakfast, then head to classes...the same thing I do every Monday...and Tuesday...and Wednesday...and yea, well you get the picture.  But today I realized how absolutely redundantly frustratingly boring that is!  There is no spontaneity to it, no excitement, no element of the unknown.  And all so I can possibly get into vet school.  Now let me just inform you of the odds that this will actually happen.  Along with the treacherous curriculum I must have completed with a 3.0 GPA to get into vet school, I also have to have 100 hrs of "animal experience" and 400 hrs of "veterinary experience".  IF I can complete those requirements, I have a 1 in around 100 chance of actually getting in...this coming from around 700 applicants.  But no pressure or anything, right?  Yea, not exactly.  So you can understand my worry that this whole process will be for nothing.  I'm writing this blog (and bear with me if it's not exactly up to par as this is a first for me) to document my journey in discovering the answer to the "so what" question that is life.  I've got a few guesses, the standard love, happiness, success; but I'm hoping to dig deeper and find a more fulfilling answer.  Not sure how it will turn out, or even if I'll ever know, but here's to the future and the answer's it hopefully holds.